Author: Ida Fariba

Self-Care Is Creating a Life You Don’t Want to Run Away From

For years, self-care was marketed as bubble baths, scented candles, face masks, and weekend getaways. While those things can be comforting, they often become temporary relief for lives that still leave us exhausted, disconnected, and overwhelmed once the moment passes.

Real self-care is deeper than indulgence.

It is building a life that feels safe to stay present in.

A life you don’t constantly fantasize about escaping from.

The Difference Between Escaping and Caring

There’s nothing wrong with needing rest. Everyone deserves pauses, softness, and recovery. But many of us use “self-care” as survival mode. We scroll endlessly to avoid our thoughts. We overbook vacations because we dread coming home. We binge-watch shows at night because tomorrow already feels heavy.

That isn’t self-care.

That’s emotional evacuation.

True self-care asks harder questions:

* Why am I so exhausted all the time?

* What parts of my life consistently drain me?

* Why do I feel most alive only when I’m avoiding my reality?

* What would it look like to create peace instead of constantly chasing relief?

Sometimes the answer is uncomfortable. Maybe your schedule is unsustainable. Maybe your relationships leave you emotionally depleted. Maybe your environment no longer reflects who you are becoming. Maybe you’ve spent years prioritizing productivity over joy.

Self-care is not just recovering from your life.

It’s redesigning your life.

Self-Care Looks Like Boundaries

Not every act of self-care is gentle.

Sometimes it looks like disappointing people.

Saying no.

Leaving environments that shrink you.

Protecting your energy instead of explaining your limits over and over again.

We often think burnout comes from doing too much. But burnout also comes from being too available, too accommodating, and too disconnected from our own needs.

Boundaries are not punishments. They are maintenance.

You cannot build a peaceful life while constantly abandoning yourself to keep others comfortable.

A Life You Don’t Want to Escape From Is Usually a Slower One

Not empty. Not unambitious. Just intentional.

A slower life notices things:

* Morning light through the window

* Conversations without rushing

* Meals eaten without multitasking

* Rest without guilt

* Silence without needing to fill it

Many people are chronically overstimulated and emotionally undernourished. We consume more content, more noise, more pressure, while spending less time with ourselves.

Creating a sustainable life often means choosing depth over speed.

Not every opportunity deserves your yes.

Not every hustle deserves your health.

Self-Care Is Also Honesty

Sometimes the most caring thing you can do is admit that something isn’t working.

You can’t heal in environments that require you to constantly betray yourself. You can’t meditate your way out of exhaustion caused by chronic overcommitment. You can’t spa-day your way through emotional neglect.

Real self-care might mean:

* Going to therapy

* Asking for help

* Changing careers

* Ending toxic relationships

* Getting enough sleep

* Spending less to reduce stress

* Unlearning the belief that your worth is tied to productivity

These choices are rarely glamorous. But they create stability, clarity, and freedom.

You Deserve a Life That Feels Like Home

Not every day will feel easy. Life will still include grief, stress, uncertainty, and hard seasons. But there is a difference between facing temporary difficulty and living in constant emotional survival mode.

The goal of self-care is not to escape reality forever.

The goal is to create a reality that nourishes you more often than it depletes you.

A life where rest is not something you have to earn.

A life where peace is not reserved for vacations.

A life where you can exhale in your own presence.

Because real self-care is not about running away.

It’s about finally building something you want to stay in.

#beinglovedis . . .

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to volunteer at a couples retreat called Hold Me Tight with Jennine Estes.  I had volunteered at these workshops before and fell in love with it; yet, this one was particularly special to me because it was focused on LGBTQ+ couples.  It was such an honor and privilege to help provide a safe space for these couples who have so much stacked against them.  

It was also an honor and privilege to work with Jennine, who put her heart and soul into this workshop. There were a variety of things that resonated with me during this retreat; yet, the message of #beinglovedis will stay with me forever.

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Stay gold, Ponyboy

Real talk: sometimes, the world can be really shitty. I’m imagining that resonates with most of you, especially with everything that is happening in the present day. Today’s post has two parts because I feel like both concepts revolve around the same theme of staying true to yourself, no matter what the world throws at you. 

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It all starts with us

When we experience trauma and it isn’t processed, those experiences and the way those memories are stored in our brain changes the way we view ourselves. We may begin to internalize our experiences or blame ourselves for the trauma we endured, and then every experience we have afterwards can just reaffirm those negative beliefs we’ve created about ourselves. The way we see ourselves impacts the way we show up in the universe; it impacts our relationships, our careers, our motivation, and our purpose in the world. It all starts with us as individuals, and then ripples out into the system we are a part of. That is where EMDR comes in. 

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Finding that Special Someone

Throughout my journey becoming a therapist, the concept that stood out the most was our human need for connection.  It was the first time I had heard that humans need connection the same way we need water and air.  Yet, the more time I thought about it, the more sense it made.  I could not imagine a life of solitude and isolation without my support systems around me, nor would I need to.  Support systems are vital, and I can help you find and create your own.

And then, there is that one special human that leaves you feeling like this chaotic rollercoaster called life was completely and utterly worth it.

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The Cry of Love

Right now, the world is as far away from peace as its been for a long time.  It’s like we’ve gone back in time; only, today we don’t have artists like Jimi Hendrix or The Beatles that make it worth it.  I don’t think there is a more relevant or poignant quote that illustrates what is happening in this country today because we have power-hungry individuals leading us.  However, what we may not see is that love of power stems from a place of fear and disconnection.  This is not a political post, rather one inspired by the wisdom of the revolutionaries that came before us.

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When therapy is so punk rock

It’s been a minute folks, a long minute. It’s been difficult staying consistent with my postings with school and beginning my teaching and supervision internship. Good news: I absolutely love what I’m doing. Yet, that is not what this post is about…

I visited my sister in Seattle and went to the Museum of Pop Culture. When I was there, surrounded by the likes of Jimi Hendrix and Kurt Cobain, I was reminded of my love for music and all things culture. I think that when I go into school and therapy mode, everything else gets put on pause. Yet, everything in life is so intermingled that I feel like I was depriving myself of things that could have supported me.

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